Sex is Ruining our World

Mulata

I actually don’t mean the title, it’s ridiculous, and I am a hater.

I went to the database of the International Association of the Unlaid to find the list of individuals who are destined to depart from this cold, hard [lmao, what fuckery] world without ever experiencing intercourse with other individuals, and my name was first on the list. Brethren, believe you me, I was not surprised in the least.

Each time I imagine myself existing in that state of vulnerability that one has to be in to engage in the moment of action that is sex, the thought sends shivers up and down my spine. That won’t be me, God; that can’t possibly be me. Inherently, or perhaps it isn’t, I don’t know,  I can never find true pleasure in a state of vulnerability, and sex involves many things including the surrendering of pride and power. It is a non-violent act of violence. Don’t take the last sentence seriously; I don’t know what I’m on about.

A few years ago, when I used to travel to my mum’s rented residence at Okuku, the same town where my mum was a professor and the head of her department at the Osun State University, there was a perverted individual within the vicinity. He was the landlady’s son and I called him ‘Uncle Raphael, as per the culture. If someone is old enough to be your uncle, ‘uncle’ has to precede their name before it is uttered.

Whenever my mum wasn’t looking, he would look at me weirdly, suggestively, so I avoided him at all costs. I have never told my mum this, and I can certainly see how people who have gone through serious forms of molestation, especially of the sexual nature, keep quiet about it, even for the rest of their lives.

Whenever my mum gave me her clothes to wash, and we sometimes would travel with dirty clothes so I could wash them whenever she was away at her university, I would wash them indoors, in the bath, and although I knew she would give me a piece of her mind whenever she returned for doing so instead of doing the washing outside, I couldn’t exactly tell her why. I was trying to avoid Raphael. I stayed indoors until the afternoon or evening, until I could hear my mum’s car horn outside the gate; I am an indoor-loving person anyway.

Raphael was a completely different person whenever my mum was around. He was a bit cold towards me, almost mean. There was this one time that I slept off and rain fell, making the clothes that I had spread get super-wet all over again, and as my mum was scolding me for not paying attention to the rain, he was too. It was mind-blowing.

My mum spoke highly of him, and she would many times call him ‘Uncle
Raphael’ too, even though she is very much older than him. She would thank him for running errands for her and stuff- some of it had to do with the fact that she was the landlady’s son, I believe.

My whole family took a vacation of sorts to my mum’s residence at a time, and after I had made the meal [I am the first and only daughter of four children, my natal Saturn is in the 1st house, I am not even 30 yet but I have the maturity of a 55-year-old, and I have had to work quite hard till this day], I was told to go into the car to get something- I don’t remember what it was. I grabbed the torch, left the residence, and headed to the car.

There he was, right in front of his residence, as it was next to my mum’s, staring at me like a wild cat [no offence to cats, I love y’all], like he was about to devour me. He was calling me, and I think he may have hastened his steps as I ran to the car. He didn’t run after me, so instinctively, I knew I was going to be ambushed. I remember being very terrified to return to the residence. I got whatever it was and headed for the residence, and as I expected, he was lurking by a wall in the dark, waiting for me.

I kept telling him to leave me alone. The whole thing happened quickly; he carried me, and he kept trying to force a kiss on me. I kept trying to struggle free, but of course, he was stronger than me. I used to be short and slim. I’m still short, just not slim. I can remember how uncomfortable I felt that night; the whole thing was quite distressing.

Then he heard his mum’s voice. It happened not too far from his mother’s quarters and she must have heard me tell him to leave me alone. She was seated, and I can remember her calling his name, ‘Raphael!’. He seemed surprised that she had seen him since she would have been asleep at the time, I assume, and he quickly left me alone.

My family was to leave the town not too long after, and he asked me for a parting gift after he let me go. I gave him a can of Malta Guinness; it was either out of relief or confusion, I don’t know. There were only six cans in the house, and my family members were to have one each. When my mum asked if I had taken my share, I pretended that I had taken the drink. My father was around too, and I couldn’t tell either of them what had happened.

It bothered me for a long time; it bothers me to this day. I wish it didn’t, because nothing really happened, and a voice in my head keeps telling me that the experience I just narrated may be quite insulting to people who have been through more-serious forms of rough handling. The memory of being so vulnerable and unable to defend myself, unable to save myself from Raphael’s very-strong grip, is quite painful. I could have been somewhere between 11-15 years old; I don’t remember vividly.

I have a very strong phobia of being kissed, being held or hugged for longer than necessary, and definitely intercourse. I somewhat believe that my experience has nothing to do with those fears; it is who I am inherently, guarded, not just a late bloomer. I gave myself my first kiss with a mirror and that’s it; I don’t need anymore.

I have a feeling that there will be a change in the future, that perhaps, when I am in my 30s or 40s, I will meet someone, male or female, I don’t care, and when we both look into each other’s eyes, the rest will be history- I will want to be touched in that way. I just don’t see it happening, and I am, for some reason, quite determined to not let it happen, but we’ll see. Life always happens, and life has a very interesting sense of humour.

I mean the title, it’s not ridiculous, and I will tell you why I think so when I make a second part to this- Sex is Ruining our World II. 

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Rebirth

'Longing in Silence by Aricadia

‘Longing in Silence’ by Aricadia

It is always hard-
cutting strong, karmic cords.
It’s like a birth experience;
isn’t it why we sometimes
cry in fetal positions?

In truth,
one is birthing oneself,
and conjoining different pieces
into one self.

Art and music help,
writing included.
Patience and hope are necessary

because the ‘umbilical’ cord
that attaches one to the past,
to the old self,
always fall and seals off by itself,
gradually,
the pain leaves,
maybe even slowly,
and the memories and lessons are left.

Writer’s Block

fish 1

My hand and my mind are at it again.
Hand is in the mood;
she wants some fun.
Mind is really not;
he is numb and done.
If they don’t make love,
how will they both birth words?
What about me?
How will I escort these chords?

My Love, I Don’t Understand

Screen Shot 2019-05-31 at 3.14.35 PM

‘ Reclining Lady’ by Margaret Garcia

Baby, now that you’re out of flesh,
do you really still see me?
Do you rub my belly when we’re together alone?
Do you still hold my hand when I pee?

Darling, now that you don’t have a mouth,
can you still taste some of my food?
Do you still giggle when I dance unclad for you?
Do I still get you in the mood?

Honey, without your hands and arms,
can you feel my temperature when I’m ill?
Do you twitch my nipples and kiss my lips?
Is my love a thing you can feel?

My love, do you like my new waist beads?
I can’t tell, and it’s driving me crazy.
Why won’t you come take me,
so I can be with you?
Will we never make a baby?

The Cycle

GetAttachment

She holds the key to your heart,
after you hand it over to her,
and when things don’t work out between you,
she throws the key at you.
You pick the key up,
turn it anticlockwise to lock it,
and for some reason,
tell yourself that she has locked it for good,
as if she has the power to.

When you hold the key
to the heart of a new “she”,
after she hands it over to you,
you delightfully throw the key at her
when things don’t work out between you.
She picks the key up,
turns it anticlockwise to lock it,
and for some reason,
tells herself that you have locked it for good,
as if you have the power to.

Each person nurses their pain
and doctors their true feelings,
dwelling on past pain,
staying away from true healing,
until something or someone
shows up to show them

that the heart does not,
the heart does not need,
the heart does not need a key, anyway.

Our Master Who Art in Heaven

babajide-2-e1477470810526

Painted by Babajide Olatunji

You believe that black is beautiful, and that there is nothing substandard about a dark-skinned person in comparison to anyone else, but when you close your eyes to pray to your Father in Heaven [especially in Jesus name] or your Mother in Heaven [what kind of Heaven is it if there is no Mother in it?], you don’t see a man who looks like this, or a woman who has similar-looking skin. 

You either see nothing, everything is just so vague and abstract to you, or you see an old, Arab man, or you see a white man, although the Bible specifically describes Jesus as someone who now looks like this. You picture the man who played the role of Jesus in “Passion of the Christ” too, that’s the Jesus you have stuck up there, your lord and saviour. Basically, you never see anyone, not even angels, that look like you, in your mind’s eye. 

However, when you picture the devil, or a demon, you picture someone dressed in black, who has a darker shade of skin, with ugly features, including horns and a tail. The devil, if you were asked to describe them, would be a being who likes to stay in the dark and is dark-skinned [subconsciously, you don’t see a light-skinned person except when you think of them as Lucifer, not Satan].

Do I need to go on? No. In summary, you are very stupid person, and I don’t mean it as an insult. It’s not a bad thing to be stupid. Remaining to be stupid, however, is the problem. It is very bad.

How to Heal Your Hurt Inner Child

       I was an extremely sensitive child. If you are into astrology, my ascendant is in Pisces, and my Saturn is in Aries, in the first house. I felt everything. I still do feel everything, but I know how to manage my emotions better. Things that children my age were able to brush off and move on from quickly affected me deeply; they stayed in my mind longer than they would in the mind of the average child. I wasn’t really understood either. I have a Pythagorean line of hypersensitivity in numerology. I am an empath, and not all parents know what to do with one.

         One of the few sentences that I remember my mum always said to me as a child was ‘Rónké̩, o ké̩ra jù, which roughly translates to me being someone who likes to pamper her body and avoid the slightest difficulty. It wasn’t really a compliment, in case you are wondering. My sensitivity to the environment made me a bit withdrawn even till early teenagehood, especially among people who were my own age. I got so devastated many times.

         My sweet mum constantly reported me to Sunday School teachers, and repeatedly called me a “saddist” [I don’t think she knew what it meant; she thought it had something to do with being sad all the time] because I was shy, and I always felt out of place.  Also, I had a lot of low self-esteem issues, especially because it wasn’t that easy for me to express my individuality as it was for other people. There are a lot of retrogrades in my birth chart; a lot of things that need repair and care in this lifetime.

         Many of us attempt to heal our wounded inner children [who experienced all the chaos and pain, even in settings that others often considered “heavenly”- it has nothing to do with wealth or poverty] by trying to have others heal it for us through love relationships. That’s laughable. It almost never works out. We become possessive, needy, toxic, and out of balance. Love relationships are not avenues for healing heartbreaks and pain. A person should have completed their own healing and attained balance before attempting to unite with someone else romantically, else they’ll be making matters worse. You don’t have to be perfect to love someone, you can’t be perfect anyway, but an imperfect yin and a perfect yang would never form a balanced circle. The other person would get very tired quickly when all they do is take care of your emotional traumas, and they would want a break or a separation at the slightest chance that they get. You would never feel complete on your own (without needing to do this or have that) if these childhood hurts are not properly addressed.

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         So, how do you heal your inner child? Our inner children never die. We grow bigger and learn/experience more things, but who we were when we were 5 or 10 or 15 years old is and will always be a part of us. We may repress all the hurts and disappointments and suffering, but until we properly address them, we will never heal, and not surprisingly, it will affect us for the rest of our lives, consciously or subconsciously.

Heal

REMEMBER

         Think about your childhood. Do this when you are alone and comfortable, at night perhaps, in your bedroom, away from bright lights. Think about everything you can remember. You may listen to this mantra while you do so; I personally enjoy it, and you may too.

         First, think about the good times. The day you were praised for being the best at something. The day your mum surprised you with your first toy car. The day you travelled with your favourite cousin. That sleepover that you enjoyed so much, you practically laughed yourself to sleep, because you were so sleepy, yet, you were having so much fun. Do this for as long as you can. Don’t be distracted by the negative thoughts yet. Go over and over all the good ones.

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SORT YOUR MEMORIES

         The next step would be to list the things that you can remember from your childhood that really hurt. Don’t dwell on them. That is not the point of this exercise. You may feel the pain, that is expected, but don’t be the pain.  The time you were bullied or made fun of. The time your parents’ marriage came to an end and you were confused. The time your uncle passed away. The time you felt unsafe. The time someone called you a monkey. The time you were not played with because of your tribal marks. The time you were publicly embarrassed. The time your father called you an idiot. The day your mum had an accident. The day you were beaten. The day you felt cheated on. It’s okay to cry. Remember, don’t be the pain. Don’t start to build up resentment and hatred. Detach. You may jot these experiences down, but you don’t have to. You may feel the urge to stop this exercise but try not to.

LET GO

         The next step is to consciously let the pain go. Forgive those that you need to forgive, although it may be hard. Let everything that is holding you back and affecting you negatively now, whether you realize it or not, go. You may imagine that your young self is swimming in a lake, away from all the pain. You may visualize that your young self is covered with a bright light, and all the pain is escaping through their forehead. Visualize letting all the pain and hurt and resentment go. Don’t hold on to it. Why do you want to hold on it? What purpose does it/would it serve to you? What gain do you intend to acquire by holding on to resentment, distrust and pain? I understand that it hurts, and it is not so easy, but let it go. Let all of it go.

ADOPT AND HEAL

         When you have done this, visualize holding your young self in your arms or holding their hands, adoring them, acknowledging their pain, feeling everything that they felt. Adopt this young self, this young you, as if they were your child. You know everything that they’ve been through. You know where they lived as a child. You know what happened when they were 6. You know this child better than anyone does and ever will. So, the best and only person that can adopt and heal this child is you. You know about all the love that he never felt, and how hard it was for her. It is now your responsibility to take care of him or her. The big question is: are you going to continue to remind him of all the negative experiences that he had, and all the pain that she has gone through, or are you going to help him or her move on from it and embrace healing and relief? Now that he has been found, and she is before you, what do you intend to do about this child? How do you intend to make it up to him or her? How do you intend to make her feel beautiful, and love her? How do you intend to help him express his artistic abilities and assist her with expressing her passions? How do you intend to give this hurt child a voice? You owe it to him/her; nobody else owes this child anything except you. Nobody. Do you remember the day the day she was ridiculed? How do you intend to honour her and help her heal? How do you intend to make him feel naturally handsome or help her feel appreciated? 

         It is now up to you to make the right decisions, to nurture and honour your inner child. Remember, if you need to discuss with me further or you need a free reading, you can always reach out to me.  Love, light, and healing!

8 Steps to Moving On from a Union/Relationship

As a clairsentient tarot/oracle card-reader, I have told people to “please move on” from relationships that they needed to leave or accept their end, several times, without actually guiding them through how to. Based on my personal/non-personal experiences, it never works that way. One minute you’re like “yeah, of course, my mama didn’t raise a weakling, plus romantic relationships are for losers”, the next minute you’re listening to “insert heartbreak song”, crying yourself to sleep, if you can gather enough strength to.

Before I go into the 8 steps, as per the title, I came across a Mooji video and I would like to go over the lessons from it with you first:
a. You must not try to catch anyone; you are not a spider. If you are insecure and you feel unworthy when you are all by yourself—if you don’t feel beautiful/intelligent/amazing until someone tells you you are—a love/romantic relationship is the very last thing you want to be in. Deal with those insecurities first. You need to heal your inner child first.
b.  Watch out for a tendency to cling. Relationships don’t work by trying to make them work. There must be freedom in a union; there is no need to “hold”/own anyone.
c. Inner strength, wisdom, and clarity are important qualities for anyone in a union. Without these things, nothing lasts, and nothing is fully/truly enjoyed.
d. Relationships are not meant to be secured/kept; they are to be enjoyed. Intension creates tension. When you are empty of any kind of need—to be approved of, to be loved by anyone in particular—you find peace. When you are free/at peace within yourself, everything and everyone wants to be with you. Separate what you (think you) want from what you really need for the sake of your own self-development.

e. How much you have “invested” or given in a relationship doesn’t matter. It is not an insurance plan. Don’t make it one.

To move on from a relationship that no longer serves you, perhaps, one that never served you, or one that destroyed your self-esteem and hurt you much more than it provided healing and happiness to you, before/after you remove yourself from your head and your emotions, before/after separating yourself from the pain and hurt and removing yourself from the upheaval, these are things that you should consider:

1. Acceptance & Hope:
Accept that it really is over. The longer you continue to tell yourself that it is not, although you know very well that it is, the more delay you would be causing to your healing. You would be causing yourself more pain than you deserve by doing so. This may take you a while, as this is the most-painful step of all. Take your time. 

Be hopeful that there will always be something better- a better feeling, a better experience, true happiness. Trust that God/the universe will always bring what’s yours to you. Whether or not someone “better” than them comes into the picture is not the point; it is not something that you should worry about. Trust that if your heart did not fit in a particular person’s “compartment” (for long/forever), as much as you tried to shove it in, it can fit in someone else’s, and there will be no shoving, covering or “squeezing-in” necessary. However, trust that your heart is okay all by itself; it does not need to fit into anyone or anything to be happy.

Whether it is the affection, the intimacy, the “satisfaction”, or anything else that you found in this person that you doubt if you will find in anyone else, be hopeful that there will be better times ahead when you get yourself out of the rut, get yourself out of your head, and look ahead to what is next, the bigger picture, at your own pace. Be hopeful that what is good for you will be given to you, what you need, what is really valuable, as opposed to what you think you need/can’t do without.

Hope.jpg

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

2. Forgiveness:
Forgive yourself. Forgive the other person. Whether you feel/think it was your fault that it ended or it was their fault, accept that everything went on exactly as it was designed to, to teach you the lessons that you need to learn. There was nothing you could have done to change the current outcome. If you slept with them, or felt that you were vulnerable/open/trusting with them (and it hurts your emotions/ego, in a way, that you were), forgive yourself and forgive them. Free yourself. Don’t hold any resentment in. This experience is supposed to be a catalyst for something greater; don’t hinder your soul’s growth.

Forgiveness

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

3. Self-Pride:
A queen! A king! That is what you are, and I’m not saying it because everyone is a queen/king these days. It’s because it is true. Be proud of all that you were, you are, and will be. You are worthy of love and healing, and new, happy beginnings in life. There will only be one of you on this earth; be mindful of what you do to this one you- how you treat him/her, how you treat yourself.

be proud

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

4. Self-Love:
Hold yourself. Be proud of yourself. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Hold yourself. Appreciate yourself, your strengths and weaknesses. Embrace them all. When you love yourself, you will seek to improve yourself. Right?

Don’t love yourself for that person, so they would notice that you’re all good without them. You would be doing it all wrong. Improve yourself for you. Forget about them. Seek to know you, to be with you, to be comfortable and happy with you- with your own self.

self love2

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

5. Letting Go/Release:
“Will he come back?”
“Will she come back?”
“Will he/she apologize?”
“Will they break up?”
“Will he/she suffer too?”
Oh, no! Your spirit-guides are telling you to let go. If you are hesitant about letting go, because you’ve held on to the pain for a while and you don’t know what you are without it, give it to your guides. They will take care of it for you. Give your worries and desires and all your secret/open wishes to your helpers. Say a prayer about it. They will hold your hurt for you. They will take care of it, and heal it. They never let go.

You, however, need to let go, to let grow, to forgive/forget about all these things that are still holding you back, things that are still making you suffer. If you don’t let go, you will hurt yourself and your current/future relationships. “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”- Malachy McCourt (1998).

let go

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

6. Nature:
Have you ever taken a sit close to a sea or a river and just felt the serenity and peace? Rinsed your faced after bawling your eyes out, perhaps? Or spent time in a garden of flowers? Or spent time in a nice building with art? Or just stayed outdoors and watched people walk by? Instead of sitting at home, allowing yourself to be miserable, go out. Clear your head. Forget about meeting another person for now, especially if the separation is fresh. This is what people tend to do- look for replacements very quickly when a lot of issues need attention/healing. They settle for less or repeat cycles all over again because they want to avoid the learning [which is also the painful] process. Retreat and find healing first. Now is the time for you, the time for your self-development, the time to go over what you have learnt/should be learning, the time to enter into a new phase.

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Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

7. Fun & Playfulness:
Yes, I said take some time to be with yourself, to feel nature’s serenity and peace, but you also need to do something fun. You are not alone in this world, in both the spiritual/physical realm. If you have good friends/family members, you can rely on them at this time. However, be mindful of the kind of people that you spend time with, because they could either aid your movement to the right direction/choices or mar it. Cheer up!

have fun

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

8. Strength:
I find strength in expressing myself through poetry when I experience confusing/intense feelings. Lately, I’ve been having this intense urge to learn how to draw/paint, although the last time I checked, I couldn’t draw a decent stick figure. Haha! You might find strength in the arts—writing, painting, singing, drawing—in designing, in researching, in whatever, in praying. Do more of these healthy/productive things that make you feel better. Drugs and alcohol will take you down a very dangerous path. You’ve already been through so much; don’t do worse things to yourself in your quest to help/calm yourself. The only way to stop thinking about something is to think about something else. Whether or not this person will return or do anything else should be none of your business now (or ever). Discover your strengths; they help you stay strong in tough times.

Strength

Spirit Messages Daily, John Holland

I give free readings if you want one; DM me on Instagram [aderiounke] or send me an email. If you need to find strength/confide in anyone, I am always here to listen and help. Think about these things that I have mentioned. Love, happiness, peace, growth, and light!

The Lady and the Seer

PicMonkey Collage

A lady went to a seer to talk about the one she loved, whom she wasn’t with anymore. She said to the seer, “I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. I wonder if he’s coming back. I’m so depressed, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

The seer said “okay”, and looked away. Of course, that wasn’t a satisfactory response for the lady. 

She said “I miss him” and “I wonder if he’s coming back” again, hoping to get some sympathy, and maybe some insight into what the future held for her.

Then he replied, “I’m sure you do, I’m sure you wonder”.

“Well, do you have any advice for me?”, she said, after two minutes had passed, two heavy minutes that felt like 30.

“I don’t have any”, he said. “You choose to miss him, so allow yourself to miss him. Be true to yourself.” The he adds, “but ask yourself, how long are you going to do this for?”

She broke into tears, and he took a step back. 

“Who is in charge of you?” Who controls what happens up there?”, he asked, pointing to his head. 

“I do”, she replied.

“Who is in charge of your mind, your body, your self? Of course, missing him and letting yourself be miserable is what you’re choosing to do. What do you expect me to do, become you? Do you think I have any power over you? Do you think of yourself as a robot that has to be controlled by someone else to survive/function? We both totally understand what I mean.”

She stopped crying and wiped her tears.

“If you want to choose to miss him, miss him. If you want to choose to be in denial, and wait for something that isn’t coming, wait. If you want to choose to move on and do something good with yourself, do it. It’s not my business or problem. You’re choosing to do something and asking me to help you stop. Ultimately, you get to choose whether or not you want to suffer, and if suffering is what you have chosen to do for this long, so be it. You’re a wonderful soul; don’t be so dense. Healing is a choice- choose it.”

Chiron-ke

Yusuf Grillo

I want love,
I ask for love,
but when Mother Earth offers it to me,
I shake my head from side to side.

Think of me as a child;
think of me as a pregnant woman.

I am in pain;
I am pregnant.
I bear and carry my hurt
like an unborn child
in my heart’s womb.

No one can deliver this child;
no one except me.
No one but me
can deliver my self,
can deliver me from my self,
but I don’t know how to,

or is it that I don’t want to?

I can’t.  

I’m a pregnant midwife
who delivers people’s pain-children
but walks around with her own
still-born still in her.

No one can deliver this child;
no one except me.
No one but me
can deliver my self,
deliver me from my self,
but I don’t know how to,

or is it that I don’t want to?

Can I?

Think of me as a child;
think of me as a pregnant woman.
I’d prefer it if you do

not think of me at all.