Keeping it for the Highest Bidder $

She begins to dress up.

She wonders if,
as per her previous experience,
after he undresses her later that night,
he would begin to dress her down.

One is in a show glass;
the other is on the counter.
One tries not to be seen as cheap;
the other allows herself to be touched.

The ones in the show glass
think of themselves as more expensive;
some of them would even
look down on the ones out in the open.

The bigger question is,
why are they all treated like living commodities?

“Ronke, I am proud of you. Continue to keep your virginity. Imagine getting an unwrapped, half-empty bottle of fruit juice for Christmas, after expecting a full bottle. How would you feel, when you begin to drink it? Men respect women more when they marry them as virgins.”
I am wondering why I’m being compared to a bottle of fruit juice in the first place. Why am I in this messed up, patriarchal society as a woman? Why do I have to deal with this shit; was it absolutely necessary?
I mean, I could have been a hibiscus plant or an owl…

Religion and Politics

WazoBia

Pastors, imams, and other religious leaders, in Nigeria to be exact, must learn the importance of being non-partisan, to begin with. No pastor/imam should be telling you what their favourite political party is, and the side of the spectrum they tend to lean on, asking you to vote for them or anyone they recommend because God has chosen them, or telling you to use your democratic rights in a certain way.

It’d be interesting to see a thesis on politics in Nigeria and how much power and influence the religious leaders have on politics, although it’s very far from being a theocracy. Nigerians generally don’t take things that they are told in the name of religion with a grain of salt; we tend to not be skeptical when words that begin or end with “the Lord said” are said. 

No pastor should tell you what to invest in, what to do with your time, money and body, who to buy foodstuff from, what kind of perfume to use because it’s the kind that they use, whenever they are on or off the pulpit. People shouldn’t state a piece of the Bible or Quran to manipulate you. What they should advise you to do is pray, or pray on your behalf, asking God to lead you to the right answer, and advising you to tap into your own inner intuition and clairvoyance abilities. You are a person of God too, whether or not you were ordained to lead in the affairs of the church, and God can ‘speak’ to you directly. When they however report that God told them certain things, you must be willing to separate the wheat from the tares and engage in critical thinking.

The mediums of any spirit are not a hundred percent infallible. Don’t be fooled or coaxed or scared into doing anything who wouldn’t very willingly do, left to you, in the name of whatever deity you trust your life with.

How Does He Treat You?

“ooooOOOh, we’re breathing hard. It must be love.” 

Any man can skillfully undress you; it’s not that hard to do. You should be with a man who doesn’t only desire to hurriedly take your clothes off- a man who puts effort into helping you get dressed too.

You should be with a man who doesn’t only enjoy watching you get naked, but enjoys watching you get dressed just as much.

Typical Excuses:
“You know he’s a Capricorn. They don’t really like to be vulnerable and they don’t have time for affection and love.”
😂
I have a whole Saturn in my 1st house and that’s not true; it’s bullshit.

_________________________

“He’s a melancholic. They usually don’t text back, so it’s okay if he ignores my texts for a week.”
😆
Poppycock.

_________________________

“They are highly choleric in the family that he’s from. I made him angry so it’s okay if he punches me. To be honest, I deserve it, because he loves me. I can’t lose him now, where will I start from?”
😐
Ummm…no.

_________________________

“My grandmother’s aunty’s cousin’s husband’s sister’s nephew told me that some men menstruate. Maybe he’s menstruating at this time, he’s irritable, and he needs to vent his anger on me.”
😧
For 6 months straight? Definitely, you are not okay.

_________________________

“He is my rock and my pillar; he takes good care of me. He was not always like this and I know he will change. Maybe I am relaxing and I need to do better for him; I need to buy ‘sukura’ [an aphrodisiac] for us.”
😟
Ha! Aunty mi, they’ve finally exchanged your common sense and destiny for a bowl of pap at Obalende. Won ti fi oko gba opolo lowo yin– you’re definitely dickmatized.

_________________________

“If a man looks down on you, talks down to you, and scolds you, he loves you, he is protecting you, and he is doing what’s best for your growth. There are many girls that want to be where you are, and if he has chosen you, be grateful and do what’s right by him.”
😫
Aunty mi, ewo oro enu yin gatagata bi eyín iya olobi. Olorun, won ti n ba mi seyin se [you are under spiritual attack].

Women Versus Women

three-women-painting

“Women Who Look Ahead” by Monica Stewart

Women who put other women down in order to become more appealing to men are the poorest kind of women. They haven’t mastered the art of autonomy, and they believe very strongly that a major part of their purpose for living, if not the main one, and worse still, the only one, is to please men.

It’s not uncommon for women to demean other women. I have seen, with my very own naked eyes, a woman oppressing another woman in an extremely distasteful way. A woman has a blood stain on her skirt and the “men” are laughing, so you laugh too. Men are speaking very indecently about a woman and sharing her privates with one another, and you contribute your own quota. It’s sick.

I had a brief chat with a friend a while ago, and we touched on women who don’t understand what original feminism is, and so they pride themselves on not being feminists/supporters of women’s rights as a quality to be adored by men, as if it makes them more “wife material” and better.

I have seen these types of women on blogs too. Whenever there are reports that a woman was raped, they ask “what was she wearing” questions. They never focus on rape and how it is always entirely the fault of the rapist for their lack of discipline in the sight of breasts and thighs, whether or not they were displayed to the public eye.

Sorry to disappoint you, darling, but your desire to very readily please men and see things as they would in all cases doesn’t make you any more attractive than you are as a woman. Since your focus is on pleasing men at all costs, I’ll give you this tip: Actual men, in my experience, tend to prefer women who know what they want, who have a decent degree of autonomy/independence, and who will respectfully question the indecencies that they suffer in the patriarchal societies that we live in, in the quest for the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. They find it impressive, sometimes even sexy, when a woman has a mind of her own.

I said “actual men” earlier, men among males, to avoid confusion.

My Mind= Field | My Feelings= Ball

Falling in love with fire,
an obsessive, compulsive liar,
was the most exhausting thing
that I had ever done
since the very minute
that I was born.

He would say,
‘Air, you need to come on stronger
if you want to have me.”
So, I would give him more air,
and we would start a fire right there.

Then he would say,
“woah, this is too much for me;
you’re going to blow me out.
If you don’t leave me be for as long as I need,
you will go many days without.”
So, of course, I would withdraw,
until our fire was no more.
It made my soul so sore.

Extremely hot,
extremely cold.
Extremely fickle,
nothing to mold.
Extremely mean,
no heart to hold.
I never told him off;
I was never so bold.